There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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