Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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