I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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