my vag is so smooth its legendary
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
