SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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