So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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