Have you finally orgasmed yet?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
