I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
