In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
