Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
