when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
