I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
