so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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