I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
