Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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