she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
