I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
