I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
