I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
