I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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