My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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