can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
