I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
