all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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