i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
