So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
