So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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