My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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