hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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