woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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