I can text with my tongue
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
