Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
