The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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