I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
