Say something about gay babies.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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