...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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