I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
