Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
