I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
