so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
