Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
