So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
