Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
