Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
