No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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