Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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