If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
