So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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