Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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