I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
