I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
