We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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