I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
