Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
