Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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