Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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