i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
