at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
